I have had several super duper nervous breakdowns in my life. Have you? I have come to welcome them! Well, sort of.
They came at transitional stages in my life. Moving from adolescence to young adulthood was the first. The second was moving from young adulthood to “older adulthood.”
Guess what? It’s time for another one! But, here’s what’s different!
When I was younger, I did not understand that a breakdown is really a breakthrough. And, I fought it. I fought it hard. The more I resisted, the longer and more intense was the feeling of chaos, fear and anxiety.
Today, I have what I call mini breakdowns, or meltdowns. And, I see them for what they are--a “biochange.” I court change. I actively seek it out.You could call it my obsession. My mind has to go through something biochemically to make these changes happen. New neural pathways. New connections. Something has to breakdown to make way for the new! This is my theory, as an intuitive biologist!
Now when I feel a meltdown coming, I just say. Ok, here it is. They are actually more frequent, because I make decisions about moving into new or difficult territory in my thinking. I challenge old assumptions, I question “reality.” I probably have several meltdowns a year--woohoo!--, but they are much less intense. They do not last long. Sometimes only a week or so. But, they are significant for this reason. When I come through to the otherside. I am different. My perspective is different. I can go forward toward a challenge in a whole new way. I feel more empowered, and more mature. Maturity is not guaranteed with the infusion of grey hair! Maturity is a blessing, and it involves Grace as well.
Last Sunday was Easter. Those who believe in the risen Lord, know that there was a great deal of suffering involved in his transformation--the resurrection.. And really, this was able to occur, I would say, because Jesus was willing.
I am not comparing “breakdowns” to the passion of Christ. It is simply a way of noticing that transformation likely involves suffering. All wisdom traditions from Buddhism to Native American have something to say about the difficult cauldron of transformation.
Then why do we want to go there? Isn’t everything we know about survival, and managing ourselves in the world about avoiding pain? Well, yes. The ego is clearly concerned with pain, and avoiding it at all costs. And, the spirit is concerned with growth. They work together.
So, if you haven’t had a breakdown lately? Why not? Is my question.
And, don’t fear it, welcome it. Spirit wins this one!